Tag Archives: sex toys

The Purple Pussy Creamer. Porn Star Diddling. A Sex Toy Review

I finally did it!

Wait. You thought I meant I finally creamed? Fuck no! I been doing that. That’s old shit. Y’all need to keep up, alright. Cumming per the use of a toy? Now that’s kinda sorta some unicorn shit with this puss.

So what is it? It’s this!

Love Magic Wand Massager is rechargeable and cheap.

This new lover in my household is The Love Magic Wand Massager. It comes in white, purple, black, and hot pink. The stem for the head is flexible. The head is like a foamy type deal. This jawn has 20 speeds too and does patterned vibrations (I’ve only used it on high, so keep reading to find out what happened to me).

Let me tell you. There is a long, bad story of my reliable g-spot plastic vibrator, that we affectionately called, “the red thing”. It was regular but it worked for me to get over my big ass boobs (they’re surely porn star big naturals title worthy now) and my tummy. It had controls on the end of it and it didn’t make the twat itch. As I remember, it doesn’t matter, so let me shut up describing. I don’t have the shit no more. My daughter stole it! Yes, my 19-year old daughter who has autism and no damn boundaries stole my shit, bro. Mister says I have no proof, but I don’t think my son stole it for his asshole. Who’s left after her? She is the same person who has been caught with my drawls on numerous times. But Imma chill, though.

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After going to my stash spot to use “the red thing” one day alone, finding the bitch wasn’t there by the Astroglide, and I didn’t have it anymore, raging out on my adult child and her acting like she didn’t know what I was talking about, but If I said go find me that bucket of chicken she’d be back in 2 seconds with a half ate bucket standing there like the Road Runner…

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I had an epiphany.

“Fuck this shit! You can have it. I’ll order another.”

A thought rang in my head immediately after that statement of ordering a magic wand.

Now I am entirely too cheap to be spending hundreds on sex toys when I can still cum by fingers if I have to, and I have this wonderful “dick curves to the left and hits that g-spot just right”, magic tongue having man.

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I took my black ass to eBay and got my life to some shit less than $20.

The Love Magic Wand was advertised as an authentic Hitachi Magic Wand, but this was eBay I was dealing with. Come on.

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I got it and washed it up for later, deciding to determine for myself if it was worth a damn, brand name lied on and all.

Pro tip: use pH balanced and unscented soap on your cooch and your toys. Sensitive girls will thank me later.  pH balanced soap will state such claims prominently on the front label if you don’t make your own like I do.

I had to use the Love Magic Wand twice before I knew it was the one, and the third time is when my pussy dripped cream. No. I didn’t bring back evidence. You got the internet! Use it to hit those sites and compare notes to what I am about to drop on you.

New book by me, La Drama Princess, in the works. There will be lots of woman banging in the pages.

Some of the sex-nastiest books you will ever get off to. Taste a sample. 

The first time I used it, I put my lube on the clit, but I made the mistake of spreading my hood too flat and that just blew the whole shit for me. The vibration was very annoying like that for me. I have this one spot on my clit that is heavily sensitized. This was a recent discovery, in the past few months, and when this clit area is stimulated, I scream like I’m getting stab when I cum. I have to let the Love Magic Wand Massager just sit on my clit to hit the spot it seems. I remembered this for my second use of this jawn and did simply that on my lubed clit.

Bay-beee! When I tell you I fell in love again for the 100th time of my life…

It was multiple orgasms too, and without my man on the puss. Chile, yes! I knew what the women in the movies were going through.

Afraid, knowing my clitoral nirvana could have possibly been a fluke, I tried it again, and that’s when I splooged. No one was here with me to witness (it was relatively quiet), but I felt it shoot out and hit the heart of my ass cheeks, as I was grounding and moaning like crazy, screeching cumming again, and again, and again. YES!

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I never got a wand before because I was scared it would mess up my clit blessings and make it harder for me to cum without the toy. This doesn’t seem like the case. Oh! And I didn’t get any attachments. It’s just me and the wand. I don’t like to penetrate when I masturbate anyway and he can use his body to do that when we are laid up together.

Do I suggest you get one? Hell yes! Will it work for everybody? It has great potential, and I say that as fickle person. Can it make everyone multiorgasmic? Again, I sure believe so. Should you use it with youpartneret? HELL YES! Because if you have one like mine, you will be spent with a soaked mattress, and floor, if you fuck as us, off the side of the bed-missionary. If you don’t, this Love Magic Wand Massager could be just the think to finally make your fake orgasms believable.

If you don’t, this Love Magic Wand Massager could be just the thing to make your oragsms believable.

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Gone, girl! Get you some. If you are considering a gift for your girl. Blow that$20. If you absolutely hate it or it dies, shit, it was only twenty dollars. In case mine dies before I’m ready to get another one, I’ll be sure to come back and tell you how long it lasted and what I think caused it.

User tip: hold the button that looks like a star for 3 seconds steady and will turn off, if not, you may be found in a coma with jizz all over everywhere on and under you.

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Toodle-loo, wet drawls and cocks at salute!

 

 

 

 

Lesbians: Using Dildos, But Unattracted To Men. Reality To Porn

It’s the strangest thing about lesbians that any person can question. “Why do lesbians use dildos and vibrators if they aren’t attracted to men?” It’s a vagina. It was made for penetration. G-spots were made to be rubbed until orgasm. Dildos can help with that. Big whoop! Personally, my question always is, “why is it in lesbian porn movies and scenes (girl-on-girl sex because the actors aren’t always lesbian), especially in scenes with black chicks, the women hardly ever just eat the pussy?” In real-life, we don’t usually question if lesbians eat pussy, but if we only had porn as an indication of what happens in real-life relationships, dildos and vibrators would be all we would know lesbians for using.

Makes sense? No?

Here it is: when a family member comes out as a lesbian, grandma didn’t faint because she was worried about Tonya getting stuck by a train of dildo toting chicks. She fell out and landed on the china cabinet because she just couldn’t understand her baby going down on some sticky pussy, with her mouth.

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For a long time there,  there was an outcry for black lesbian porn movies and scenes to chill on the dildo play. Dildos were crutches that women used in adult movies to not really have sex with a woman. That’s how women who’ve spoken out about this issue viewed what was happening.

The real-life lesbians I know, who have sex with women only, they don’t use sex toys. It’s their own fingers, pussies, and anything else, but no dildos or vibrators. No strap-ons either. They have shared with me that they do not see a need to use aids or props in their sex lives. My friends are a small group, and there are women who have sex with women and they do use toys. Am I saying they aren’t lesbian, that those women have defaulted their sexuality as bisexual?

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No.

Using sex toys is a personal preference.  Indeed, they were created as aids in sexual activity. Couples use them to enhance sex play. To only have sex with them, every time, yes, in my opinion that makes the use of them a crutch.

When watching straight porn, count the dildos and vibrators you see. Compare that number to the amount you see in black lesbian porn. The black lesbian porn will always have an outrageous amount of fabricated dicks in it compared to any other porn out there. White lesbian porn, gay porn, orgy porn, they all have way less sex toys in them than the ones with black girls on black girls. Don’t get me started on black BBW lesbian porn.

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People will read this and say, “who cares, it’s porn”. I care! And I suspect you really do too. People watch porn for ideas. Some say that we make our ideals about sex based on the negativity porn creates about sex. I think that is true for some people, although I don’t think that’s widespread, but if it is true, we don’t want women to believe they need to buy a box of dildos and straps to use with their girl.

That’s just wrong. The human body is well equipped to excite without the support of prosthetic extensions.

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I know. Me. I actually said that.

A toy is good. I like them. I use them. I don’t want to see them all the time when a pussy could get off much better with just the tongue and the hand. ESPECIALLY when the scene is super boring with fake sounds and sandpaper coochies. In my research, tongues and hands make the pussy creamier, and her eyes roll up in her head, much more like they do in real-life when you use what nature gave you.

Up My Ass With A Purple Rod. A Sex Toy Review

Once upon a time, there was a 20-something year old black girl with a big butt, and a penchant for exploration. She sat on the internet all the time roaming for anything sexual to make her tingle. One day while surfing, a purple stick of vibrating beads nearly bumped her on the nose from the other side of her computer screen. She clicked “buy now”, and the rest was history.

This is the story of me, my webcam, my man, and the Waterproof Flexible Vibrating Beads.

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The year I first bought this toy was 2006. I’ll start with the positives with this thing.

Pluses

  1. The beads are smooth all around so no rough seams that could tear you inside.  *Upon checking Amazon, a 2012 review stated their toy’s beads were not smooth. Mine were and each was made of two pieces of acrylic as stated in the review. I guess mine were buffed or Pipedream has changed the quality of it since I last bought it.
  2. The beads are graduated nicely. The first one isn’t too big which can be a big fear for a first timer with beads. Of course, I’d decided I would try beads based on porn views and knew what to look for, but I’m so easily influenced.  pathetic
  3. I love purple. I think it also comes in a nice, bright pink. The purple one looks more jeweled so this thing is easy to look at.  Again, it doesn’t look intimidating.
  4. It has about 4 speeds, I think. I don’t quickly recall because it’s been a while since I’ve used it. More on that in the “minuses” section.
  5. The vibrations are intense but not too strong to cause numbness if you leave it on or in you awhile. Low speed is even good with this thing, that’s if you usually you have to have your vibrators on high like I do.
  6. This thing is great for clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration for the g-spot.
  7. It’s flexible so you can bend it in positions while you do other things with your other hand with other toys if you need.
  8. It is not loud. It vibrates to produce a nice murmur.
  9. It’s relatively cheap. You can get one less than $20 excluding shipping.
  10. It is actually waterproof.
  11. It’s easy to clean.
  12. It’s durable.

Okay, I think that’s all the gushing I can do about these flexible beads. Let’s get to the bad part!

Minuses

  1. Is it my pussy and ass, or is it really so easy to burn this vibrator’s motor out? It worked fine for several uses. I’ll say after about 10, the thing starts to blink out.
  2. I bought this toy 3x before I gave up.

I just don’t know what is with this thing, but it was disappointing to say the least. There are flexible beads that don’t vibrate I could buy. Ehh.

What we’ve done with these beads. 

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Together:

Missionary style-him rubbing it on my clit while he plows me.

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Foreplay-vaginal penetration with lots of in and out. The largest bead seems to rub my g-spot very well without trying much.

Me solo:

Anal-on cam on the bed. It’s easy to reach over my huge ass to push this inside of me back there. I’ve made a video using this toy in that position. Yea, don’t ask as I’m not passing the clip around.

Masturbation-on the side of a garden tub filled with a bubble bath. I also did myself on the tub in a video for him. The flexible vibrating beads were easy to reach over my front for rubbing the top of my clit, again because of the stick they are on and because they flex. I was fat at the time, so this was major. It seemed like a short extension of my arm, but enough.

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As I’ve said, I haven’t bought this toy again. I liked the idea. I don’t think it was my brand of batteries (it takes AAA I think). I use Duracell batteries. I don’t think I put too much stress on it.

Still, I love Pipedream toys. I’m an actual fan, but this was a failure nonetheless. Maybe one day I will give in to those regular, manual flexible beads. Who am I kidding?

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We Got It From A Tranny: The Cock Ring. A Sex Toy Review.

One night, a few years ago, I was watching some porn (yes, we are going there again). It was tranny porn. You may have heard of the porn star,  BigDickBitch? TSMadison is her tame name. Well, I saw her working this man’s cock over with her mouth with him in a cock ring  under his balls. The way that thang looked, gawd! I had to have my man in one. Don’t you feel the same? Just look at it.

TSMadison

It didn’t take much to convince my love. Does the submissive have the dominate tamed? Maybe, because I knew he would try it. I’d already come up with my plan of finding the perfect one to entice him with. I knew I could sway him based on the material it was made of. This is what I picked out:

 

cockring

What we did:

He came over (yea, we haven’t cohabited). He got naked. I did too. He laid down and I brought it out, with lube. You need the lube for safety. He was partially hard. That’s important too. I coated his junk at the base with the lube.  I snapped it on comfortably.

I put the dick in mouth and showed him what it do (he already knew, but for refreshers of course).

 

What’s this safety business, you speak of, Princess?

The instructions on the box said it was necessary for removal to put the band on a certain way. You don’t want to put it on and the junk gets really hard and the thing’s stuck in his flesh when he finally cums and it’s time to take it off. You could, but if you think like me, you won’t want to be sitting in the E.R. one afternoon with a stupid look on your face and an embarrassing explanation to give to the charge nurse. You also don’t want to snap it on too tightly. Be considerate of growth for when he’s fully aroused. Things could get dangerous around there.

 

How did we like it?

My perspective: Ugh! If I am sucking it to ejaculation, I don’t want to go for more than  5 minutes. I love to give head. I want to get him there as fast as I can as well as I can. You don’t know what this mouth can do? I have receipts. I can make you call my name just by using my mouth, with my hands tied behind my back. Needless to say, it took an hour of sucking before I gave up. We ended up fucking and he still hadn’t come. More on that later.

Oh yea, which reminds me. That’s a good use for the cock ring. When you suck dick, wrapping your hand around the base and cupping the balls is great for stimulation. The cock ring frees your hand and does all the work while you do other things with your hands.

His perspective: He loves getting his dick sucked. He had no complaints about how long it took. He says the longer I spend on his dick, the happier he is. I feel more inadequate taking longer than 5 minutes. It’s all in my head.

 

Who do we suggest using a cock ring?

My advice: Use this if you or your partner is too quick to cum. This will surely slow him down. He will have the urge, but it won’t come out. There is also a delayed effect after it is off. It still takes a while.

His advice: Don’t use this if you have dick control already. You could end up all day trying to bust a nut.

 

His verdict: He could take or leave the cock ring. He did it for me and my life through porn fantasies.

My verdict: The cock ring is now in the dust bin.

 

By the time we were fucking, he was saying, “damn, I want to cum”. I felt sorry for him. No torture for my boo.

 

This is how it looks snapped on at the last button. Ours is made of soft material. You can get it in leather or neoprene. It cost me less than $20. Don’t remember the brand, but it doesn’t really matter.

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Get one anywhere. Try something new and see if you can get him to squirt like TS Madison did that guy in the pic. Me…

meh

I ain’t got that kinda time.

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