Tag Archives: commitment

Reader Email: My Husband Cheated. Now He Wants To Have Sex With Me.

The Eroticist’s Advice

Dear Eroticist,

I’m going through. My Husband cheated and I took him back. You may ask why, but I’m not letting anyone else have my man. But now that we are back together, how do I have sex with him after all this? The sex part is very hard for me,  much harder than just having him back in the house. He’d moved with his mistress and they lived together for two months. It didn’t work out and he came back to me. I took him back. I know I was stupid for that. But he is my husband. What can I do to have sex with him again? I keep thinking about them and what it was like, and why he is back with me.

-Signed, I Can’t Fuck My Cheating Husband


Y’all are getting heavy with shit ain’tcha. Mr. Drama and I have discussed this one and we are on the same page. Let’s jump in.

You said that he is recently back living with you after living with the other woman for a short stint, and I know this has to be extremely hard to deal with on so many emotional levels. You have your commitment to your husband, and he has dashed his and now he wants to act like the lyrics of an R&B song and come crawling back.

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Look, I am not a marriage counselor, I haven’t been married, but I do know allll about emotions. “Emotional” should have been my middle name.

I feel it is good to have him back in the house with you, because it is yours together. That is part of the commitment. This is part of the whole swing of things you didn’t need to wait to get back. Giving him your body again: I won’t say do it on the first night of him lying in your marital bed.

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Advice Breakdown 

The emotions, why he didn’t have that tight emotional tie with you before the cheating to keep him from cheating, are such which needs to be investigated the hell out until you hit the heart of the matter. If he wasn’t ever the type of to open up, get real now. He isn’t going to be easy to get this out of. I say to be direct in what you need to know. Speak your heart and share yours and require him to do the same. There is no real work he can do if he isn’t giving you the truth from his heart, not that found in his head where it’s easier to uncover things to say that he feels you want to hear, or he feels are easier to say.

If he isn’t going to open up, I say commitment is void.

You can’t be in a healthy relationship with another person by yourself. Get what I mean?

As soon as you read this tell him what you require. You must have an open stream of communication about what he expects out of your relationship post-affair, and you need to set clear requirements for him to make you trust him again. And for you to fuck him again, you must be able to trust him again.

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As the trust grows, I feel that you will want to have sex with your husband. You will open yourself up to him to come to have you. With the trust back, what she did with him, and what he did to her, why he liked her, what is so great about her body compared to yours, and things of that nature won’t jump into your head all the time when you think of having sex with him. And I think that is what the problem is mostly anyway.

With a strong bond of trust, comes personal security.

Take your time, reader. This is a test of work ethic here.

I’m not one to easily give up, but if I felt it going that way, I’d get it over before I let him pop my coochie again.

That’s just me. And this was my regular Jane advice.

Good luck and best wishes in the good stroke coming back to your lives together.


If you have a question for The Eroticist to answer, the inbox is open. Write to: TheEroticistsAdvice at g mail dot com (make it look like a real email address before sending), and your questions and my answers will hit this blog on Tuesdays. 

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Bisexual Men: Having Their Dick, And Sucking It Too. Yayyy!

I’m black. I’m a woman. Why am I not afraid of “down-low” men? Why don’t the implications of men having sex with men (MSM) make me fear for my sexual health? Why would I ever accept a bisexual man? Why? Because if it’s good enough for a woman, it’s good enough for a man to have sex with the same sex and not be for certain homosexual.

Bisexuality does exist, in women and in men. When two men have sex, does that mean that either of them are less of a man, less masculine because he enjoys male-to-male sex? No. He may also enjoy sex with a woman. He may also prefer sex with a woman over a man. This can be. It is happening now… and there’s nothing wrong with it.

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See, MSM is only a problem, a threat to society, when safer sex is not applied. But you know what? The same is true whenever a man or woman has sex, whether same sex relations or opposite. What is the big deal? You fear the thought of your man bending over to take a dick? You don’t have to watch it.

What if the man you are with confesses that he has enjoyed or thinks about sex with other men very often? Would you leave? Would your lives be over? No. They wouldn’t be. Would the kids look at him differently? It all depends on how you raise them, but who has judged you for who you like to have sex with? No one has turned the kids against you.

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Copyright held by the owner.

There are thousands of men with curiosities about sex with a man. They fear themselves. They fear judgement. They fear what they desire is wrong. They feel the only way a man can be a true man, a real man, they mustn’t submit to any desires to be sexual with another who has the same parts as they do, not in a real relationship, not one where you claim the other, not one where you go out in public together as a couple, not one where all your family knows what type of sex you have, not one where your friends assume you are the one getting penetration. This is the true problem we should be looking at with bisexual men, down-low men, men having sex with men: the secrets they feel they must keep which are destroying them and the ones they love because they have been programmed to feel that there are only two ways to live, straight or gay.

HIV/AIDS is real. It is a real problem for everyone. EVERYONE. People lie. People sneak around. Why are we stigmatizing men who aren’t straight and who don’t have sex with only women? The stigma should be for everyone. If down-low men had people in their lives who were rational, if they felt that they could be open about their sexuality like women are, there would  probably be less men lying about their same sex relations and taking deadly risks.

No. I never said lying is right, but sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes people make you feel like all you can do is lie. When all you can do is lie, you need to find out where your truth begins. Sex with the same sex is still sex. It’s still copulation. It’s still an act of satisfaction. Men and women having sex with each other, in relationships at all levels, should be truthful with each other.

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The type of sex a man engages in doesn’t define him concretely no more than how he feels he can define himself. If he has no confidence that he can claim his sexuality, he won’t.

What women fear most about bisexual men, men having sex with men, other than the risk of deadly disease, is being cheated on. A bisexual person can be faithful. Heterosexual men fail the faithfulness test everyday. What does sexuality have to do with anything? Loyalty and true-ness are grounded in one’s character, not their sexuality.

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September 23-Bisexual Pride Day

Bisexuality is fluid. Our flag blends shades of pink, purple, and blue. Bisexual orientation is different for each person, women… and men. A commitment is a promise. Bisexuals make and keep promises too.

We commit to who we feel is worthy. Same as any other sexuality. Make yourself worthy. Not just because you are a woman, not because you have his kids, not because you provide a better image standing beside him in public, but because you add value to his life.

How do you find out his value of you? Become intimate with him mentally. Keep your insecurities to the side, and let’s fuck!

Good wood is for whomever can handle it.

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Bisexual Pride Event 

June 26, Thursday night, I will be a part of a live show as a special guest representing bisexuals at Maxim’s in Seattle via Skype. Keep up with future updates about this performance by following me on Twitter and Facebook, @ladramaprincess and La Drama Princess Author Erotica (friend page). I do respond if you send me a message.  

Check for my latest, “Swinging Submission” (the full novel) on LaDramaPrincess.com and sites like Amazon, Monday, May 12th. Suck me later, errh, thank me later.