Category Archives: Sex Products

The Purple Pussy Creamer. Porn Star Diddling. A Sex Toy Review

I finally did it!

Wait. You thought I meant I finally creamed? Fuck no! I been doing that. That’s old shit. Y’all need to keep up, alright. Cumming per the use of a toy? Now that’s kinda sorta some unicorn shit with this puss.

So what is it? It’s this!

Love Magic Wand Massager is rechargeable and cheap.

This new lover in my household is The Love Magic Wand Massager. It comes in white, purple, black, and hot pink. The stem for the head is flexible. The head is like a foamy type deal. This jawn has 20 speeds too and does patterned vibrations (I’ve only used it on high, so keep reading to find out what happened to me).

Let me tell you. There is a long, bad story of my reliable g-spot plastic vibrator, that we affectionately called, “the red thing”. It was regular but it worked for me to get over my big ass boobs (they’re surely porn star big naturals title worthy now) and my tummy. It had controls on the end of it and it didn’t make the twat itch. As I remember, it doesn’t matter, so let me shut up describing. I don’t have the shit no more. My daughter stole it! Yes, my 19-year old daughter who has autism and no damn boundaries stole my shit, bro. Mister says I have no proof, but I don’t think my son stole it for his asshole. Who’s left after her? She is the same person who has been caught with my drawls on numerous times. But Imma chill, though.


After going to my stash spot to use “the red thing” one day alone, finding the bitch wasn’t there by the Astroglide, and I didn’t have it anymore, raging out on my adult child and her acting like she didn’t know what I was talking about, but If I said go find me that bucket of chicken she’d be back in 2 seconds with a half ate bucket standing there like the Road Runner…


I had an epiphany.

“Fuck this shit! You can have it. I’ll order another.”

A thought rang in my head immediately after that statement of ordering a magic wand.

Now I am entirely too cheap to be spending hundreds on sex toys when I can still cum by fingers if I have to, and I have this wonderful “dick curves to the left and hits that g-spot just right”, magic tongue having man.


I took my black ass to eBay and got my life to some shit less than $20.

The Love Magic Wand was advertised as an authentic Hitachi Magic Wand, but this was eBay I was dealing with. Come on.


I got it and washed it up for later, deciding to determine for myself if it was worth a damn, brand name lied on and all.

Pro tip: use pH balanced and unscented soap on your cooch and your toys. Sensitive girls will thank me later.  pH balanced soap will state such claims prominently on the front label if you don’t make your own like I do.

I had to use the Love Magic Wand twice before I knew it was the one, and the third time is when my pussy dripped cream. No. I didn’t bring back evidence. You got the internet! Use it to hit those sites and compare notes to what I am about to drop on you.

New book by me, La Drama Princess, in the works. There will be lots of woman banging in the pages.

Some of the sex-nastiest books you will ever get off to. Taste a sample. 

The first time I used it, I put my lube on the clit, but I made the mistake of spreading my hood too flat and that just blew the whole shit for me. The vibration was very annoying like that for me. I have this one spot on my clit that is heavily sensitized. This was a recent discovery, in the past few months, and when this clit area is stimulated, I scream like I’m getting stab when I cum. I have to let the Love Magic Wand Massager just sit on my clit to hit the spot it seems. I remembered this for my second use of this jawn and did simply that on my lubed clit.

Bay-beee! When I tell you I fell in love again for the 100th time of my life…

It was multiple orgasms too, and without my man on the puss. Chile, yes! I knew what the women in the movies were going through.

Afraid, knowing my clitoral nirvana could have possibly been a fluke, I tried it again, and that’s when I splooged. No one was here with me to witness (it was relatively quiet), but I felt it shoot out and hit the heart of my ass cheeks, as I was grounding and moaning like crazy, screeching cumming again, and again, and again. YES!







I never got a wand before because I was scared it would mess up my clit blessings and make it harder for me to cum without the toy. This doesn’t seem like the case. Oh! And I didn’t get any attachments. It’s just me and the wand. I don’t like to penetrate when I masturbate anyway and he can use his body to do that when we are laid up together.

Do I suggest you get one? Hell yes! Will it work for everybody? It has great potential, and I say that as fickle person. Can it make everyone multiorgasmic? Again, I sure believe so. Should you use it with youpartneret? HELL YES! Because if you have one like mine, you will be spent with a soaked mattress, and floor, if you fuck as us, off the side of the bed-missionary. If you don’t, this Love Magic Wand Massager could be just the think to finally make your fake orgasms believable.

If you don’t, this Love Magic Wand Massager could be just the thing to make your oragsms believable.



Gone, girl! Get you some. If you are considering a gift for your girl. Blow that$20. If you absolutely hate it or it dies, shit, it was only twenty dollars. In case mine dies before I’m ready to get another one, I’ll be sure to come back and tell you how long it lasted and what I think caused it.

User tip: hold the button that looks like a star for 3 seconds steady and will turn off, if not, you may be found in a coma with jizz all over everywhere on and under you.



Toodle-loo, wet drawls and cocks at salute!





No Hands, No Feet Masturbation. Meet The Autoblow 2

No girl to suck your dick? Your hand doesn’t have the motility for you to use it for a stroke? Sit your ass down, throw that dick on the table and slide the Autoblow 2 on that piece!


When I sat down to write this post, I originally went researching sex toys for people with disabilities (compared to this we won’t even get on that other lame shit I was going to post). Chiiiiiile, who knew I was going to stumble on this gem. I want to buy my man one of these just to see it work. For $89, you can’t beat a deal like this!

How do you get one as it’s not out yet? Donate to the Indiegogo campaign. When the product has been finished, yours will be shipped out to you.

The product was invented for people with disabilities such as amputations, nerve damage, etc. by Brian Sloan. It’s handsfree because it’s robotic.

From the little I know about male masturbator products, this one is 100 steps above them.  It’s not just a hole in a can as it works at multiple speeds and has an industrial motor so you know it has the power to squeeze that cock like some good, tight pussy, or mouth… or ass.  One more best thing about this toy, it doesn’t use batteries. None of that bullshit drama of dead batteries and the struggle to dig a pair out of the remote. Autoblow 2 plugs into a wall outlet.

Hot damn! If you feel like you could kiss the guy behind this, fuck that shit, and throw your money at him instead. Here ya go!

Autoblow 2 demo video, fundraiser/order page, and general, product greatness central. 

Won’t God do it? Why don’t you let him use you?

 I stay being a "ain't shit heifer". Yet in my family this is what they would say. Don't throw tomatoes at me. I'm just spreading the word.
I stay being aain’t shit heifer”. Yet in my family this is what they would say. Don’t throw tomatoes at me. I’m just spreading the word.

All you busy bees, when a bright idea comes to mind, run with it. Bless this young man who is doing so much for those who can do much less for themselves.

Viva la sexual satisfaction for everyone!



Reader Email: Her Clit Is Too Little. Help!

The Eroticist’s Advice

Have you ever had one take the panties off and the clit was no where in sight? Okay, well you can easily relate to this reader. Hold my hand. I’m about to teach you something.

Dear La Drama Princess,

I have this new girl, and this is the second one I’ve had who has a super small clit. I ain’t into dicks, but a big clit is what I prefer sucking on when I’m giving my girl oral. I pull her lips back and try to suck, but it’s too hard to keep it out for me to give her good oral. I have big lips and her shit is super small. I stick licking, but I want to give her the full experience. She uses toys too when I’m licking her pussy. What can I do to get to her clit better?

-Signed, If Her Clit Was Any Smaller…

Why do y’all have to hate on small clits? Like small dicks, the people who own them have feelings too. Don’t make them cry because nature didn’t spend much time on their sexual appendages. It’s not their fault.

Dear reader,

I  ain’t gone tell no fibs. I don’t know much about the itty bitty clitty committee and it’s board of directors. I’ve seen them. I don’t have one, and I praise thee for not having such an affliction.

Smaller size clits are as normal as bigger ones, they all have the same amount of nerve endings.

Mr. Drama, yes, like our reader, has had to struggle mode with them. What he advises for sucking and licking a smaller clit is to push the hood back as far as you can get it. Duh! Reader, I know you know that. I wonder though if you are skinning the hood all the way back?

My partner in oral also advises not to suck too hard. Keep the sucking momentum on an even kiln. While you are sucking, you must employ digital vaginal stimulation as the clit is easier to slip from your lips because it is so small and she’s moving around while you’re making her cum. You don’t want her almost their and your simple ass loses the clit from your mouth. Shame!

Like this, yet use your other hand to expose the small clit completely. Hook your fingers up instead of down. I don’t know why people still turn their fingers down to play in the pussy. What are you doing? Stroking the rectum? Sir/Ma’am! Just fuck the ass.

Personally, I don’t trust this shit, and I want all of my readers and their lovers to get off, and well, so I thought back to some research I’d conducted on toys and remembered this one.

Advice Breakdown 

For solo or partnered play.


The old school way is well and good, but this update to small clit struggle sucking seems like a true winner.

By looking at the diagram, you can see, you can insert it. The curved center of it is what you push side. While inside the vagina, it will stimulate the g-spot as her pussy contracts and she is moving around.

The arms of the thing sticking up, that’s what will hold open her labia (her pussy lips) which will also serve to spread the hood back from covering the small clit. This makes the toy handsfree for partnered sex, and for solo. You can get your pussy ate easily, the clit served, or stroke it when no one is around.

The Intimate Spreader by You 2 Toys received 4 out of 5 stars by Property of Potter (see her full review here), and retails for under $30 USD, which isn’t too bad for the pay off.

It is made of silicone and has a flexible wire inside it to make it bendable. FYI: You 2 Toys has also made a battery powered version, view it here.

If the reader in our email, or any of you try this, I’d love your personal review. I have no reason to use it, but just as a referral for my small clit friends out there, I could eat up the knowledge. Pun intended?


Bless y’all. I’ll take my thumb clit, and get on out of here. See ya next week!



If you have a sexual thing going on you could use some advice about,  write to TheEroticistsAdvice at g mail dot com (make it look like a real email address before sending), and your question will be answered on this blog on Tuesday. Identities are kept anonymous. 

#support #indieauthors Buy all of my erotic books from Rate and read and leave reviews while you’re there. Licks!

Up My Ass With A Purple Rod. A Sex Toy Review

Once upon a time, there was a 20-something year old black girl with a big butt, and a penchant for exploration. She sat on the internet all the time roaming for anything sexual to make her tingle. One day while surfing, a purple stick of vibrating beads nearly bumped her on the nose from the other side of her computer screen. She clicked “buy now”, and the rest was history.

This is the story of me, my webcam, my man, and the Waterproof Flexible Vibrating Beads.



The year I first bought this toy was 2006. I’ll start with the positives with this thing.


  1. The beads are smooth all around so no rough seams that could tear you inside.  *Upon checking Amazon, a 2012 review stated their toy’s beads were not smooth. Mine were and each was made of two pieces of acrylic as stated in the review. I guess mine were buffed or Pipedream has changed the quality of it since I last bought it.
  2. The beads are graduated nicely. The first one isn’t too big which can be a big fear for a first timer with beads. Of course, I’d decided I would try beads based on porn views and knew what to look for, but I’m so easily influenced.  pathetic
  3. I love purple. I think it also comes in a nice, bright pink. The purple one looks more jeweled so this thing is easy to look at.  Again, it doesn’t look intimidating.
  4. It has about 4 speeds, I think. I don’t quickly recall because it’s been a while since I’ve used it. More on that in the “minuses” section.
  5. The vibrations are intense but not too strong to cause numbness if you leave it on or in you awhile. Low speed is even good with this thing, that’s if you usually you have to have your vibrators on high like I do.
  6. This thing is great for clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration for the g-spot.
  7. It’s flexible so you can bend it in positions while you do other things with your other hand with other toys if you need.
  8. It is not loud. It vibrates to produce a nice murmur.
  9. It’s relatively cheap. You can get one less than $20 excluding shipping.
  10. It is actually waterproof.
  11. It’s easy to clean.
  12. It’s durable.

Okay, I think that’s all the gushing I can do about these flexible beads. Let’s get to the bad part!


  1. Is it my pussy and ass, or is it really so easy to burn this vibrator’s motor out? It worked fine for several uses. I’ll say after about 10, the thing starts to blink out.
  2. I bought this toy 3x before I gave up.

I just don’t know what is with this thing, but it was disappointing to say the least. There are flexible beads that don’t vibrate I could buy. Ehh.

What we’ve done with these beads. 



Missionary style-him rubbing it on my clit while he plows me.


Foreplay-vaginal penetration with lots of in and out. The largest bead seems to rub my g-spot very well without trying much.

Me solo:

Anal-on cam on the bed. It’s easy to reach over my huge ass to push this inside of me back there. I’ve made a video using this toy in that position. Yea, don’t ask as I’m not passing the clip around.

Masturbation-on the side of a garden tub filled with a bubble bath. I also did myself on the tub in a video for him. The flexible vibrating beads were easy to reach over my front for rubbing the top of my clit, again because of the stick they are on and because they flex. I was fat at the time, so this was major. It seemed like a short extension of my arm, but enough.



As I’ve said, I haven’t bought this toy again. I liked the idea. I don’t think it was my brand of batteries (it takes AAA I think). I use Duracell batteries. I don’t think I put too much stress on it.

Still, I love Pipedream toys. I’m an actual fan, but this was a failure nonetheless. Maybe one day I will give in to those regular, manual flexible beads. Who am I kidding?


We Got It From A Tranny: The Cock Ring. A Sex Toy Review.

One night, a few years ago, I was watching some porn (yes, we are going there again). It was tranny porn. You may have heard of the porn star,  BigDickBitch? TSMadison is her tame name. Well, I saw her working this man’s cock over with her mouth with him in a cock ring  under his balls. The way that thang looked, gawd! I had to have my man in one. Don’t you feel the same? Just look at it.


It didn’t take much to convince my love. Does the submissive have the dominate tamed? Maybe, because I knew he would try it. I’d already come up with my plan of finding the perfect one to entice him with. I knew I could sway him based on the material it was made of. This is what I picked out:



What we did:

He came over (yea, we haven’t cohabited). He got naked. I did too. He laid down and I brought it out, with lube. You need the lube for safety. He was partially hard. That’s important too. I coated his junk at the base with the lube.  I snapped it on comfortably.

I put the dick in mouth and showed him what it do (he already knew, but for refreshers of course).


What’s this safety business, you speak of, Princess?

The instructions on the box said it was necessary for removal to put the band on a certain way. You don’t want to put it on and the junk gets really hard and the thing’s stuck in his flesh when he finally cums and it’s time to take it off. You could, but if you think like me, you won’t want to be sitting in the E.R. one afternoon with a stupid look on your face and an embarrassing explanation to give to the charge nurse. You also don’t want to snap it on too tightly. Be considerate of growth for when he’s fully aroused. Things could get dangerous around there.


How did we like it?

My perspective: Ugh! If I am sucking it to ejaculation, I don’t want to go for more than  5 minutes. I love to give head. I want to get him there as fast as I can as well as I can. You don’t know what this mouth can do? I have receipts. I can make you call my name just by using my mouth, with my hands tied behind my back. Needless to say, it took an hour of sucking before I gave up. We ended up fucking and he still hadn’t come. More on that later.

Oh yea, which reminds me. That’s a good use for the cock ring. When you suck dick, wrapping your hand around the base and cupping the balls is great for stimulation. The cock ring frees your hand and does all the work while you do other things with your hands.

His perspective: He loves getting his dick sucked. He had no complaints about how long it took. He says the longer I spend on his dick, the happier he is. I feel more inadequate taking longer than 5 minutes. It’s all in my head.


Who do we suggest using a cock ring?

My advice: Use this if you or your partner is too quick to cum. This will surely slow him down. He will have the urge, but it won’t come out. There is also a delayed effect after it is off. It still takes a while.

His advice: Don’t use this if you have dick control already. You could end up all day trying to bust a nut.


His verdict: He could take or leave the cock ring. He did it for me and my life through porn fantasies.

My verdict: The cock ring is now in the dust bin.


By the time we were fucking, he was saying, “damn, I want to cum”. I felt sorry for him. No torture for my boo.


This is how it looks snapped on at the last button. Ours is made of soft material. You can get it in leather or neoprene. It cost me less than $20. Don’t remember the brand, but it doesn’t really matter.



Get one anywhere. Try something new and see if you can get him to squirt like TS Madison did that guy in the pic. Me…


I ain’t got that kinda time.

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