Category Archives: Reviews

The Purple Pussy Creamer. Porn Star Diddling. A Sex Toy Review

I finally did it!

Wait. You thought I meant I finally creamed? Fuck no! I been doing that. That’s old shit. Y’all need to keep up, alright. Cumming per the use of a toy? Now that’s kinda sorta some unicorn shit with this puss.

So what is it? It’s this!

Love Magic Wand Massager is rechargeable and cheap.

This new lover in my household is The Love Magic Wand Massager. It comes in white, purple, black, and hot pink. The stem for the head is flexible. The head is like a foamy type deal. This jawn has 20 speeds too and does patterned vibrations (I’ve only used it on high, so keep reading to find out what happened to me).

Let me tell you. There is a long, bad story of my reliable g-spot plastic vibrator, that we affectionately called, “the red thing”. It was regular but it worked for me to get over my big ass boobs (they’re surely porn star big naturals title worthy now) and my tummy. It had controls on the end of it and it didn’t make the twat itch. As I remember, it doesn’t matter, so let me shut up describing. I don’t have the shit no more. My daughter stole it! Yes, my 19-year old daughter who has autism and no damn boundaries stole my shit, bro. Mister says I have no proof, but I don’t think my son stole it for his asshole. Who’s left after her? She is the same person who has been caught with my drawls on numerous times. But Imma chill, though.

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After going to my stash spot to use “the red thing” one day alone, finding the bitch wasn’t there by the Astroglide, and I didn’t have it anymore, raging out on my adult child and her acting like she didn’t know what I was talking about, but If I said go find me that bucket of chicken she’d be back in 2 seconds with a half ate bucket standing there like the Road Runner…

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I had an epiphany.

“Fuck this shit! You can have it. I’ll order another.”

A thought rang in my head immediately after that statement of ordering a magic wand.

Now I am entirely too cheap to be spending hundreds on sex toys when I can still cum by fingers if I have to, and I have this wonderful “dick curves to the left and hits that g-spot just right”, magic tongue having man.

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I took my black ass to eBay and got my life to some shit less than $20.

The Love Magic Wand was advertised as an authentic Hitachi Magic Wand, but this was eBay I was dealing with. Come on.

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I got it and washed it up for later, deciding to determine for myself if it was worth a damn, brand name lied on and all.

Pro tip: use pH balanced and unscented soap on your cooch and your toys. Sensitive girls will thank me later.  pH balanced soap will state such claims prominently on the front label if you don’t make your own like I do.

I had to use the Love Magic Wand twice before I knew it was the one, and the third time is when my pussy dripped cream. No. I didn’t bring back evidence. You got the internet! Use it to hit those sites and compare notes to what I am about to drop on you.

New book by me, La Drama Princess, in the works. There will be lots of woman banging in the pages.

Some of the sex-nastiest books you will ever get off to. Taste a sample. 

The first time I used it, I put my lube on the clit, but I made the mistake of spreading my hood too flat and that just blew the whole shit for me. The vibration was very annoying like that for me. I have this one spot on my clit that is heavily sensitized. This was a recent discovery, in the past few months, and when this clit area is stimulated, I scream like I’m getting stab when I cum. I have to let the Love Magic Wand Massager just sit on my clit to hit the spot it seems. I remembered this for my second use of this jawn and did simply that on my lubed clit.

Bay-beee! When I tell you I fell in love again for the 100th time of my life…

It was multiple orgasms too, and without my man on the puss. Chile, yes! I knew what the women in the movies were going through.

Afraid, knowing my clitoral nirvana could have possibly been a fluke, I tried it again, and that’s when I splooged. No one was here with me to witness (it was relatively quiet), but I felt it shoot out and hit the heart of my ass cheeks, as I was grounding and moaning like crazy, screeching cumming again, and again, and again. YES!

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I never got a wand before because I was scared it would mess up my clit blessings and make it harder for me to cum without the toy. This doesn’t seem like the case. Oh! And I didn’t get any attachments. It’s just me and the wand. I don’t like to penetrate when I masturbate anyway and he can use his body to do that when we are laid up together.

Do I suggest you get one? Hell yes! Will it work for everybody? It has great potential, and I say that as fickle person. Can it make everyone multiorgasmic? Again, I sure believe so. Should you use it with youpartneret? HELL YES! Because if you have one like mine, you will be spent with a soaked mattress, and floor, if you fuck as us, off the side of the bed-missionary. If you don’t, this Love Magic Wand Massager could be just the think to finally make your fake orgasms believable.

If you don’t, this Love Magic Wand Massager could be just the thing to make your oragsms believable.

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Gone, girl! Get you some. If you are considering a gift for your girl. Blow that$20. If you absolutely hate it or it dies, shit, it was only twenty dollars. In case mine dies before I’m ready to get another one, I’ll be sure to come back and tell you how long it lasted and what I think caused it.

User tip: hold the button that looks like a star for 3 seconds steady and will turn off, if not, you may be found in a coma with jizz all over everywhere on and under you.

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Toodle-loo, wet drawls and cocks at salute!

 

 

 

 

Wet Fantasy Fulfilled: “James and Ellen, Together at Last” (A Review)

Sometimes, you just want to get away, to escape your life and get caught up in a world where the only things that matter are the good feelings of the heart, body, and sex organ. Sometimes, you just want to read about something different and special. Something that will make you say “if only it was me” while you are reading it.

“James and Ellen, Together at Last” , by Stephen Olander  is one of those reads.Cover for 'James & Ellen: Together at Last'

Blurb-James and Ellen had been waiting for a year until her divorce was final. Now they can be together and discover more about each other besides their love. (M/F, M/M/F) 

Most people would consider James and Ellen as wild. Ellen is a woman in control, completely certain about what she wants in the bedroom, finding her perfect match in James. Their intimacy is intense, unbridled. They aren’t afraid to go there at all!

Let me tell you, the things found in this book would make the average freak blush, yet they’d secretly tell you that they would do just about anything to get a chance to play either James or Ellen for a day.  When I say these two “take it there”, I mean it! Everything that you could imagine a lover succumbing to on a mission to please their lover, and themselves, is contained within this book. 

Open it up for back-to-back sessions of raging sex that only a wickedly, erotic mind could come up with.

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“James, Ellen & David”

The heat continues to rise when Ellen goes where she, nor James, has ever gone before, and they both end up loving it in book 2.Cover for 'James, Ellen & David'

Blurb-A special rendezvous between James, Ellen and David (M/M/F) 

This series makes for perfect reading if you want to get hot right now. It is written in a way that the reader never feels bogged down with complicated questions and scenarios. Stephen Olander gives you two quick and stimulating reads, when all you really want to do is get to the orgasm.

Find both books only on Smashwords.