No Hands, No Feet Masturbation. Meet The Autoblow 2

No girl to suck your dick? Your hand doesn’t have the motility for you to use it for a stroke? Sit your ass down, throw that dick on the table and slide the Autoblow 2 on that piece!

autoblow-2-

When I sat down to write this post, I originally went researching sex toys for people with disabilities (compared to this we won’t even get on that other lame shit I was going to post). Chiiiiiile, who knew I was going to stumble on this gem. I want to buy my man one of these just to see it work. For $89, you can’t beat a deal like this!

How do you get one as it’s not out yet? Donate to the Indiegogo campaign. When the product has been finished, yours will be shipped out to you.

The product was invented for people with disabilities such as amputations, nerve damage, etc. by Brian Sloan. It’s handsfree because it’s robotic.

From the little I know about male masturbator products, this one is 100 steps above them.  It’s not just a hole in a can as it works at multiple speeds and has an industrial motor so you know it has the power to squeeze that cock like some good, tight pussy, or mouth… or ass.  One more best thing about this toy, it doesn’t use batteries. None of that bullshit drama of dead batteries and the struggle to dig a pair out of the remote. Autoblow 2 plugs into a wall outlet.

Hot damn! If you feel like you could kiss the guy behind this, fuck that shit, and throw your money at him instead. Here ya go!

Autoblow 2 demo video, fundraiser/order page, and general, product greatness central. 

Won’t God do it? Why don’t you let him use you?

 I stay being a "ain't shit heifer". Yet in my family this is what they would say. Don't throw tomatoes at me. I'm just spreading the word.
I stay being aain’t shit heifer”. Yet in my family this is what they would say. Don’t throw tomatoes at me. I’m just spreading the word.

All you busy bees, when a bright idea comes to mind, run with it. Bless this young man who is doing so much for those who can do much less for themselves.

Viva la sexual satisfaction for everyone!

poundit

Weeeeeee!

3 Ways To Swerve Your Girl Throwing You The Pussy… And You’re A Girl.

When I say I am a sex goddess, I don’t just mean with the men. Women lust hard for this pussy too. What is it, the smell of my hair? The thickness in my lips? My pretty tits?

Sometimes it’s good to get some pussy thrown at you, other times you just want a tired bitch to sit her ass down on a boulder of ice and let her pussy glacial-ize.

I’ve swerved some of the biggest female beasts I didn’t want to touch me, and I’ve also dodged having to see my friends naked when they thought it was time to take things to the next level.  One particular friend, and one night after visiting a spot with dangling sex toys on a wall, a cash register inside, and a huge sign out front, gives me flashbacks all the time.

Why, ma’am, as we soon as we arrived back at your place, you had to get undressed and changed into a skimpy ass bathrobe before you invited me back to your bedroom to “talk”?

Hellno

When I’m in one these “nasty for all the wrong reasons” situations, here’s what I do:

  1. Blame it on the kids. If you’re a parent, you know the advantages of having your kids to save you. Tell her the kids are sleepy. Suddenly the kids have an elaborate bedtime routine that involves singing, dancing, three reenacted stories, and fresh baked cookesfrom scratch! After three hours, she will be too annoyed to push. *If you don’t have kids, or none are available, lay it on your needy ass man. If you don’t have one, blame it on your mama. Just use anyone’s neediness as your rescue.
  2. Tell her, she’s too much like a sister for you to part her pussy lips with your tongue. This doesn’t have to be lying if you do care for her that way, but if you have to “Stretch Armstrong” some truths, DO IT. I won’t be mad. Keep it cute and light. You don’t want to make her cry. If you do, then she can take your tactic to make into a pretzel so that you will give in. Nope!
  3. Remind her of your crotch rot! Again, just make up shit. If she wants to rock pussies with you after that, lose her number and never look back. People say kissing is the most intimate act. I say eating pussy is. I am not saying everyone turns down sick twat, but if they won’t, you don’t need them in your life. If they will knowingly eat a cottage cheese dripping pussy, that nasty bastard will do anything.

It may be easier to have your first pussy fest with a friend, and it may be convenient to fuck them regularly, but not all friends are good enough to look at after you’ve munched. The truth is always better, but sometimes you just don’t feel like telling it.

Trust! I know. The truth has lead to too many hours and days long conversations/interrogations that I don’t have the attention span, nor temperament to endure.

When not interested…

Swerve!

but if the circumstances are totally different, and you actually want that P, feel free to bathe her.

bathe

Inspired By The Music #1 (Cum Episodes)

Upon his last stroke on top of me, he looked into my eyes and said, “girl..  you got a firm grip”. 

He bit his bottom lip, and there was his blast, deep, deep, in the slick. 

–Inspired by Eric Roberson “Couldn’t Hear Me Over The Music (Live)”

No picture needed. 

Welcome to this new series, for my fans.

Copyright notices below on the blog. 8-21-2014

Bumping Pussies With A Man

I continuously align myself with some old, stank ass adult groups on these social media sites. I ain’t showing no ass. Y’all already know that. So here’s the deal. I was in a group for mature adults. It isn’t necessarily full of dick pics and pussy shots, but sometimes one may be posted. Today was one of those days. But look. Where’s the dick? Mr., your pussy is showing.

fatdude

I am no stranger to a fat bitch, but when your dick print looks like a pussy print, it’s time to think things through. It’s a good thing this guy is gay or is it. Shit was posted on a gay Tumblr.  Who really wants a man with a pussy print? A moose knuckle pussy print at that. I’m not one to bash, but he’d have to eat me into a coma before I’d struggle with all that. Lifting his gut to suck his dick, I don’t want to know what the cheese smells like under there.

I’m still no skinny myself, at least I will never think of myself as so. Do I have to do the splits on top of that pinky toe of a dick, or would it be best to let him sit his belly in the middle of my back when he hits it doggy?

Fuck it. Just be gay. Who can fuck this unless they weigh 105 pounds and do their shopping in the kiddie section?

Sir, you and your pussycat can get the fuck out of here and never come back. Naw, you don’t have to eat it up to impress me either. I’ll pass.

Wait, is that all balls, and he’s tucking the dick? Huh? Honey, I just don’t get it.

But back to the post made about this pic in the stank ass group, I am in. The original question to go with the pic was “would you have sex with him for 2 years rent paid”.

There I go with the irony again.
There I go with the irony again.

Shit naw! Bumping pussies? Why would I do that with a man? I can get a girl, thanks.

I am okay with average sized dicks. Y’all know that, but I need to be able to get to it. Chile if it’s like that for you, you will feel abused once I keep blowing you off, then if I let you fuck, during the struggle I’m going to have to try to bang you with my uncoordinated self, then comes the giggles once I start laughing.

But speaking of pussy. Here’s some for you. Can you taste it?

pussytwist

pussytwist2

pussytwist3

pussytwist4

Then let me suck it, baby.

suckit

suckit2

I won’t miss a stroke as I gulp sweetness.

His Hard Cock: There’s Nothing Better In The Morning

Opening my eyes to let a crack of the low morning sun burn at the back of them, as I’m lying on my side, I rub my thighs together and throw one of my legs over his. Instincts always kick in when I find myself waking up next to him. My fingerprints graze the thatch of wiry hairs pressed against his belly. The tip of my middle finger, I use it to sneak to the edge of the valley of his belly button.

His breathing becomes audible just once. I know he’s awakening too.

As I touch him faster along the invisible line made by the creek of water that washes over him every time he bathes, his legs stir under mine. I think about wetting my fingertips with my spit, but my trip down to where I so hungrily rush to touch isn’t long enough to break the trance of pleasure I know I’m seducing him into.

The head is coming up in a few millimeters.

My fingers finally touch down. Over the open seam I make my fingers as soft as gentle cotton using my mind’s morphing power I know I must truly have, because he sighs a sleepy, sexy groan.

As I tiptoe my fingers down the hill of the back of his cock, I know it’s smooth, moist traveling then on. He’s getting wet already and I have yet to apply my soft, thick, inner mouth’s lips on him.

I open for a kiss, then a trembling lick.

Oh, how I love his hard cock in the morning.