Reader Email: I’m A Swinger, But She’s Fucking Up The Rotation

The Eroticist’s Advice 

This week’s email comes from a female reader in one messy situation:

I am a swinger. I often go out with a friend (Fiesty) and her acquaintance (Fragile) to events and parties. All three of us women indulge together when we are out. Recently, both Fragile and I have slept with Fiesty, but not in a threesome, separately. Fiesty and I are close and a lot alike and we both respect our relationship for what is. Fragile is not so carefree. Recently Fiesty told me Fragile has been asking all up in our business, about my past with my exes, and it’s really starting to piss me off. Fragile has also expressed to Fiesty her feelings are beginning to grow into more than just sex. Thus, although they’ve only known each other for 6 weeks. It’s not like Fragile can’t get anyone else. She has plenty of beautiful women at her feet.

This situation is putting me in a fix and I don’t know what to do. Do I confront the Fragile or let Fiesty handle it?

–Signed,  Swinging Isn’t Supposed To Be This Hard.

Most people would read this letter and center on the swinging, but there is more to our reader’s dilemma than just the sex between three women who are open sexually, as individuals and to the world. Swingers aren’t the only ones having sex with multiple people. They just are the ones who have owned their desires and have become honest with themselves and their partners. So this advice can go for anyone who hasn’t claimed the lifestyle as well.


One thing that people need to realize is that we are all human. Rules are rules, but we tend to break them when we get to sexing. “Swinging” although you don’t sleep with Fragile, your friend Fiesty does. Your simple relationship’s complexities have been confounded thrice. You have lost, what I don’t know, one degree of sexual separation between you and your friend’s lover. All I know is the shit has gotten deep whether you want to deal with it or not, but you have to deal with it.

In my experience, people don’t act like your friend’s lover unless they have caught feelings, and people don’t catch feelings over nothing. Again, for a whole ton of people sex brings a whole new turn of events to the scenario . You happen to be one of those who can fuck and not melt at the heart. Or maybe you just haven’t met that right one yet, and maybe your friend’s lover has.



With all great chances, it could be that Fiesty has whipped that thang on Fragile and the woman just can’t get over it. Her questioning your friend about your past seems like she wants an in to knock you out of the picture.  Girl, take it from me, some people just won’t let you be great in peace. They can’t all be on our level of getting and dishing those nuts like a Queen. Girl, I know you don’t want to, but you must consider their challenges and attend to the issues they have brought to the table.

Advice Breakdown

As I’ve conferred with Mr. Drama about this issue, we both agree that it would likely be best you cut your losses with Fiesty and walk away. You are all swingers. What is it to have new pussy to females like you three? Right, you stated in your letter that your friend’s lover has beautiful women at her disposal too, but they aren’t Fiesty.


Pillow talk can be a muthafucka to the lives of those who weren’t there for the talking. After laying with Fiesty,  y’all shoot the shit and swap stories and spill like you usually do. The same is happening with her and her lover, even if she says they aren’t close like you and her are. Sometimes people see things as basic because that’s all they want to see. They ignore what they’ve done in a situation to add or take from it, but they have done something.

You shouldn’t confront Fragile. That’s Fiesty’s job. Fragile may be working your last good one, but shit. She won’t be the last, and I know she wasn’t the first.

How important is this sexual relationship with Feisty, because it may be time for it to end. Once more, you have options, and you already know how to implement them. It may be time. It’s all in what you want to put up with.

You could always do nothing and wait and see what all kinds of disasters this mess can escalate into. One possibility in particular I wrote about in my latest book, “Swinging Submission” ( It is erotic, very, but it also involves a precautionary tale which I believe anyone sexing more than one person at once and they all know should read up on.

The moral to the story: All the good intentions in the world can still end up fateful. Know when to cut ‘em off and keep it pushing. All good pussy ain’t even worth it.

–Log on next week to read my advice to a reader who wants to know how to get back into loving sex with her husband AFTER he’s CHEATED.

If you have a question for The Eroticist to answer, the inbox is open. Write to: TheEroticistsAdvice at g mail dot com (make it look like a real email address before sending), and your questions and my answers will hit this blog on Tuesdays. 

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