We Got It From A Tranny: The Cock Ring. A Sex Toy Review.

One night, a few years ago, I was watching some porn (yes, we are going there again). It was tranny porn. You may have heard of the porn star,  BigDickBitch? TSMadison is her tame name. Well, I saw her working this man’s cock over with her mouth with him in a cock ring  under his balls. The way that thang looked, gawd! I had to have my man in one. Don’t you feel the same? Just look at it.


It didn’t take much to convince my love. Does the submissive have the dominate tamed? Maybe, because I knew he would try it. I’d already come up with my plan of finding the perfect one to entice him with. I knew I could sway him based on the material it was made of. This is what I picked out:



What we did:

He came over (yea, we haven’t cohabited). He got naked. I did too. He laid down and I brought it out, with lube. You need the lube for safety. He was partially hard. That’s important too. I coated his junk at the base with the lube.  I snapped it on comfortably.

I put the dick in mouth and showed him what it do (he already knew, but for refreshers of course).


What’s this safety business, you speak of, Princess?

The instructions on the box said it was necessary for removal to put the band on a certain way. You don’t want to put it on and the junk gets really hard and the thing’s stuck in his flesh when he finally cums and it’s time to take it off. You could, but if you think like me, you won’t want to be sitting in the E.R. one afternoon with a stupid look on your face and an embarrassing explanation to give to the charge nurse. You also don’t want to snap it on too tightly. Be considerate of growth for when he’s fully aroused. Things could get dangerous around there.


How did we like it?

My perspective: Ugh! If I am sucking it to ejaculation, I don’t want to go for more than  5 minutes. I love to give head. I want to get him there as fast as I can as well as I can. You don’t know what this mouth can do? I have receipts. I can make you call my name just by using my mouth, with my hands tied behind my back. Needless to say, it took an hour of sucking before I gave up. We ended up fucking and he still hadn’t come. More on that later.

Oh yea, which reminds me. That’s a good use for the cock ring. When you suck dick, wrapping your hand around the base and cupping the balls is great for stimulation. The cock ring frees your hand and does all the work while you do other things with your hands.

His perspective: He loves getting his dick sucked. He had no complaints about how long it took. He says the longer I spend on his dick, the happier he is. I feel more inadequate taking longer than 5 minutes. It’s all in my head.


Who do we suggest using a cock ring?

My advice: Use this if you or your partner is too quick to cum. This will surely slow him down. He will have the urge, but it won’t come out. There is also a delayed effect after it is off. It still takes a while.

His advice: Don’t use this if you have dick control already. You could end up all day trying to bust a nut.


His verdict: He could take or leave the cock ring. He did it for me and my life through porn fantasies.

My verdict: The cock ring is now in the dust bin.


By the time we were fucking, he was saying, “damn, I want to cum”. I felt sorry for him. No torture for my boo.


This is how it looks snapped on at the last button. Ours is made of soft material. You can get it in leather or neoprene. It cost me less than $20. Don’t remember the brand, but it doesn’t really matter.



Get one anywhere. Try something new and see if you can get him to squirt like TS Madison did that guy in the pic. Me…


I ain’t got that kinda time.

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I am one woman that loves stumbling upon some freak nasty visual displays, but I’ll be damned if I want to see that shit in a friendly conversation group on Facebook. We’re discussing the state of current politics and you start a thread with your masturbation video. You’re gonna get roasted, boo. We are embarrassed for you. There’s a place for that. Do you know where it is?

When something like this happens, we wonder always why one wouldn’t use better judgement of their surroundings before airing themselves out? Let me offer one perspective: these girls just want some attention.

Saying “hello, my name is…” is dead. If you want to get known, you want to be somebody, you gotta go viral. Throw something out there that will get them passing around and talking about your content. You need a big jiggly booty, maybe just a big one, a fool video, a fight video, or pussy video. Never a dick video. No one posts those. A dick isn’t that entertaining. They only want to see your pussy. If you add that you’re a squirter in the title, you’re automatically gonna get a few hundred shares and several thousands of views.


It’s all worth it. Your name in lights. Your pissy squirting videos viewed by someone’s grandma. I mean, we all know the way to get an entire family talking about your video is to skeet your urine up in an arch across the room. These bitches gone love it!


Do it for the Vine!



Girl bye!


Keep that shit on the homegrown and respective, appropriate sites. When we want to see your pussy do tricks, we’ll come for ‘em.

And for all my horny fans, I’ve brought the pussy to you. Enjoy. Love me always!
















Pissy, Pussy Squirters. Yep, I said It!

You mad, Piss and Boots? Who am I to call your “squirting” (hard air quotes with a sarcastic smirk for good measure) pissing? I know. I’m a jealous bitch, because I can’t make my pussy squirt. Probably in your fantasies, but I’m gonna let you continue to be great and think what you want on that. But I am going to have to correct you on why YOU are not actually squirting, anything but the piss, and nothing but the piss.

As it turns out, I have participated in a few internet discussions on the subject. In each one, more and more people shouted that the women in the hundreds of thousands of online videos busting it wide open, and titling their clips as “squirting”, are indeed doing so. Such an opinion is perfectly fine, but I don’t see how some can’t tell when a woman is clearly faking and clearly pissing. Come on!

Projectile streams of yellow fluid coming from the pussy making golden yellow puddles under the female “squirting” doesn’t say to you that she is just relieving her bladder? Seriously?

You may say, “why do you care anyway”.

You already know I think the best part of porn is the woman cumming.  So, I don’t really, but when I want to see a good, creamy, pussy squirting video, I don’t want to have to sift through 20 piss queen videos to get to what I really want.

I mean, let me plead the case for my point.

  1. Excuse me, I’m sorry. But even the stoniest of females cannot not react to an orgasm. Wait, is that even possible, to not even twitch, cross your eyes, or grind your teeth while trying not to verbally react to a good one? No, it isn’t. Not unless she is dead! How are all these famed squirt queens from the internet supposedly doing it for real, when these bitches are lying there like nothing great is happening in their pussies? Those women are faking! Their pussies aren’t even quaking.

Skip to about the 9 minute mark for the money shot. *No sound, but some other signs are there.

Real squirter

I don’t have any other points to my argument, yet think about it. It makes sense. If you ever came across a video of a girl with a thick, sticky looking, creamy substance shooting out of her pussy, you would be able to discern the difference between a true squirter and all these piss queens.

In one distinctive online roundtable, one woman professed her studies on the matter, female ejaculation. She stated that any woman could make her self squirt depending her abilities to work her muscles. Fine. I’ve heard that several times. She went on to say that research has pointed to women, possibly squirt depending on their feelings for their partner (this could apply to a woman in a solo squirting video taking into perspective of her imaginations and desires for interactions with a partner although she is alone).  In addition, the woman said that female ejaculate isn’t always opaque.

There’s no standard to the rule and there are exceptions. That’s with anything. No problem with that. But like I said before, you can’t fake or hide ultimate gratification. That’s with anything. The body’s reactions will be visible. The reactions may be big or small, but they will be there.

Don’t try to sell to me some dead fish girl with a steady stream of juice shooting out of her pussy as anything more than what she is: a pissy bed having faker.

Serves no real purpose here, but look at that thing.

If you know like I do, you’ll be wary of “squirters” and say no, unless the screencap indicates there will be some cream projecting. And if you are gonna keep on with your “squirt” videos, fake squirters, try what the old porn girls used to do. Load your pussy with a creamy fluid, and take some acting classes.

Until then, I’m gonna keep calling you out.

Come back next week for a post on the obsession with squirting and validating one’s sexuality by posting a “squirt” video on Facebook.
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